Dealing with Difficult People
"Difficult" is a negative label often applied to employees who display resistance to ideas. The term is used here merely for convenience and should not be used when referring to another person. The following suggestions can guide executives in managing these employees.
Master the Details
Most difficult people are detail oriented and are equipped to argue their points. The most effective strategy for handling the well-prepared, but difficult, employee is to prepare just as diligently as he or she does.
Be Aware of Emotional Responses
Difficult people know that emotional appeals are effective persuasion tactics. For example, an employee with a negative attitude may share a sympathetic story with another coworker to gain approval and support for himself. In these cases, knowing your personal emotional triggers is your best resource. Figure out how you respond personally to emotional appeals so that you are equipped to respond to them in an objective manner.
Listen Actively and Carefully
Listen with empathy to the points of view of others, and look for ways to show them that you understand their perspectives even if you do not agree. Pay close attention to their objections and concerns, and remember that words (whether used in seriousness or in jest) do have meaning. Remain honest and worthy of trust, even if others involved in a situation do not. Your actions will send a powerful message to those with whom you deal, suggesting to them how you may be expected to behave toward them on other issues. A show of respect does not obligate you to change your position or your mind.
Be Patient
Time can work for you in conflict situations. By delaying a confrontation, you create pressure for the other party while demonstrating your control over the situation. Waiting also allows a volatile situation to depressurize.
Check Your Response to Negative Feedback
Responding harshly or strongly to negative feedback from a difficult employee only escalates conflict. Instead, step back, listen, and be careful that your facial expression is not giving away your real reaction. When you have received the extent of the feedback, thank the person for expressing his or her views and calmly state whether or not you agree. If the difficult person is not willing to listen to your response, then the best next step is to end the exchange and pick it up again at another time, if resuming the conversation is necessary.
Prevent "Loss of Face"
Showing respect for a difficult person's opinions, even if you do not agree, is often enough to stem "loss of face." Your respect for the difficult person's arguments does not suggest agreement. Rather, it provides the person an avenue for a graceful retreat.
Adapted from: Preston, Paul. (2005). Dealing with 'Difficult' People. Journal of Healthcare Management 50, No.6 (November/December 2005): 367-370.
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